Because every CV has holes.
WARNING: This document contains highly compromising and prejudicial information about the author. It is intended solely for individuals with no capacity to influence his livelihood. If you are the author’s employer or a headhunter, please exit immediately and confine yourself to the author’s more complimentary professional biography and sanitised profile.
c1970: Feigned a stomach ache in kindergarten to escape Chinese language class. First of many failed efforts to teach me any language other than English.
c1973: Rejected at primary school football try-outs. Within 5 minutes.
1977: Diagnosed with myopia. Ended dream of becoming a pilot.
1983: Failed Oxford entrance exam.
1984: Serial failure at the standing broad jump during Basic Military Training. Disqualified for Officer Cadet School. Downgraded due to injury, discharged from the infantry.
1984: Failed first attempt at becoming a paid journalist: rejected by the Singapore Armed Forces’ magazine, Pioneer.
1990: Application for BBC traineeship rejected.
1991: Failed to secure my first-choice beat, environment, when I joined the Straits Times.
1994: Accused by the Leader of the House of contempt of parliament.
1999: Rejected by the PhD programme of the University of Pennsylvania.
1999: In the first year of my PhD studies at another university, failed the multiple-choice theory test for a US driving licence three times, after which the lady at the DMV gifted me a “pass” out of pity.
2003: Job application to the National University of Singapore rejected.
2009: Denied tenure by Nanyang Technological University. Informed that I had cleared all requirements, but government perceived me to pose a reputational risk.
2010: Removed as head of the journalism division.
2012: Job application to the new Yale-NUS College rejected.
2014: Job application to NUS supported by Faculty and Department but rejected by senior management.
2014: NTU contract runs out. Unemployed.
2016: Released book on intolerance and hate in India, Indonesia and the United States, after which things got a lot worse in all three countries.
2020: Broke world record for writing the most number of books about Singapore politics and media that make no difference to Singapore politics and media.
2021: Published a book-length study of censorship that failed to predict it would be censored.
2022: Posted this alternative CV and got ticked off by the wife for this elaborate exercise in humble bragging, failing once again to get anything past her.
2025: Beaten by Generative AI when trying to summarise of my own 2016 and 2025 books.
To be continued
Vadai photo by geekrobocook.com